The Basement on the Hill

Ending an Absence

2009-03-25T14:36:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone, I know that I do not blog anymore, and when I do it is just pointless crappy poetry. Well, I have been inspired by my friend Lenny to make this blog more than a crappy literary outlet. So I will start with a direct theft of content from Lenny and blog about my spring break.

"Globe Trotter" is not a word that should ever be used to describe me. I have been to Hawaii twice in my life and besides that, I have not traveled farther East than Arizona. I really have never been out of this country, I went to Vancouver, BC once when I was 8, and I do not even own a passport.
Despite my lack of travel experience, I have always wanted to travel around the United States and eventually travel internationally. A lot of people did a lot of their traveling as a child, either going on family vacations or tagging along to an interesting place for a business trip with a parent. I never had that opportunity, my father works for the State of Oregon and all his business trips consisted of going to Medford or Pendleton (both of which I accompanied him once as a child) and my mother does not have a job that requires travel. Now comes the second part of this equation to the problem of my lack of travel: Sports! Spring Break and even more so, Summer Break are the quintessential times for kids and families to take a vacation and explore other parts of this country. Well I never really had this opportunity. Before High School I played Basketball, Baseball, and even played soccer until 5th grade; both sports created scheduling conflicts with favorble travel dates. Basketball was played extensiveley during Christmas Break and even led to some fun vacations, such as a trip to Sunriver that included the porn incident and an unforgettable trip to Seaside which led to feces in the sauna coals,a closed pool, and a pissed off Shilo Inn Manager. To be honest, basketball was not the bain to my globe trotting existence, that burden is placed squarley on the shoulder of America's Past Time. Baseball is my favorite sports and was the sport I was best at. My dad has been my Coach from Tee Ball to 8th Grade, excluding 4th Grade. We both took baseball very seriously and even if we wanted to take a vacation and I could miss a game or two, he could not because he was the head coach. Spring Break was full of fun tournaments in Bend or Salem and Summer was full of games, All-Stars, and League/State Playoffs. I never had the opportunity to explore anywhere besides the beautiful state of Oregon and at times, Southwest Wahington, and thie severely hampered any chances I had to see the rest of the Great United States.

This is all prior to High School, once High School Started, I began to play Football as well. Football bridged the gap that extended to end of Baseball (Early-Mid August) to the Start of School in September. We had football camp that then ceded into Daily Doubles, and any chance of a summer vacation, even in those late months of August, vanished when I decided to tak on the gridiron. All of the previous problems that limited my travel pre- high school were magnified once in high school. Baseball became even more important as I was soon seeking to have a baseball career beyond high school, Basketball was soon replaced with hitting lessons throughout the winter to improve my game by the time summer fever hit.

That was the story for the first 18 years of my life and of the 3, maybe 2, people who read this know, I am now 23. They shoul be asking, "Why couldn't you of traveled anywhere in the last 5 years?". The answer is realationships. I am not just talking about romantic endeavors, but also freindships. True, I did have a girlfriend for the first 3 years of college, and I did not want to study abroad because of this, but actually that relationship led to many travels that I would of not takin otherwise. I got to visit Spokane on numerous occasions and spend many nights in Sunriver, both places that I would have never of gotten to enjoy in a non-sports driven setting. Also, I wanted to be around to see my friends during summer break. My best friends all did not go to U of O with me, even though I made some of my best friends at school too, but the summer and spring provided opportunities to see them and I did not want to let that pass. These friendships led to many trips as well. My best friend Jeff and his family has done a wonderful job of treating me like a third son and has taken me to so many places. I have been to Scottsdale and Vegas with them and every year, we make a trip to Reno to see a car show. Matt and his family has taken me to Hawaii twice and My roomates and I went to Vegas last spring break. So basically, the reasons that I have not traveled a lot are the exact same reasons why I have traveled at all. Kind of Ironic isn't it?

Now anyone reading may be wondering why this long winded history of vacations is even blog worthy, even on a blog as crappy as mine, but it is because I am currently making this post in beautiful Reading, Pennsylvania! I have finally headed east for a week and I will give everyone my review and experiences of this Oregon homebody when I return!

2008-05-20T13:54:00.001-07:00

My soul is a crumbling like an eroding building

It's past the point of saving, so no one even cares or tries

Everyone's general opinion of me is like a giant pick on my foundation

It is adding to my destruction

I am nothing that someone is looking for

No one would even rent me

I really feel like I have a growing emptiness in me

It is consuming every emotion I have

I am trying to escape from the mouth of madness

but I am running in quicksand

This black hole of despair will swallow me eventually,

I will sit here and watch people pass and not even bat an eye

as I am devoured by the darkness

Wet Dream a Licious

2008-03-12T12:39:00.000-07:00

This is pretty much the coolest thing I have ever seen. A mosaic of Star Wars scenes to make the last supper, Jedi Style. I want to make one of these with Bree Olson scenes, that would be life fulfilling.

2008-03-11T02:35:00.000-07:00

Don't bury my dreams below contentment

I don't have anything here that I want

I don't have anything here that I love

I love my dreams

I love thinking that they may be achieved

I love floating away,

Getting away

My dreams and ambitions can overflow any hole that you dig

Don't bury my dreams,

Especially under something as greedy as contentment

You can't take all my dreams

Top 10 Movies I saw in 2007

2008-01-31T17:53:00.000-08:00

These are the top 10 movies that I enjoyed over the last year. I did not get to see all the good ones yet, so this may change. I haven't seen "The assasination of Jesse James", "Atonement" or "Rescue Dawn" yet. But these are just what I liked, I do not have any good insight into them.

1. No Country for Old Men - I really liked this movie, it was well acted and had a fast pace.

2. Michael Clayton - I just saw it, but I loved it. Everyone was good in it and I like upscale movies like this. I just do.

3. Easter Promises - I thought it was better than "A History of Violence". Viggo is really cool and I like the way this guy directs.

4. Harry Potter: Order of the Phoenix - This is my 2nd favorite Harry Potter movie next to number 3. I just love the feel of imminent doom in this movie. And I think this is the best stand alone movie that has been made. You did not need to see the other 4 movies to enjoy this one.

5. There Will Be Blood - I really think Daniel Day Lewis' performance in this movie is overlooked! How come he hasn't gotten any praise!?

6. Across the Universe - Any movie plot that is driven by Beatles' songs is my friend. Not to mention it looked awesome

7. 3:10 to Yuma - I am not the biggest Western guy, but this was a lot of fun. And the guy Ben Foster plays is bad ass.

8.Juno - I laughed a lot and loved the music. Any time a dad swears to punch a kid in the wiener next time he sees him, I have to love the movie

9. Knocked Up - Maybe not as many laugh as hard as you can moments as "Superbad", but I loved the story and all the characters. Especially Paul Rudd

10. The Lookout - an awesome heist movie and Josepeh Gordan Levitt is turning in to an awesome actor

Lucky you!

2008-01-23T01:25:00.000-08:00

My 3 (maybe 4) Readers get a special treat today; poetry! Now you may be saying to yourself "poetry is all we get on this fucking blog!", but this is poetry with a story behind it. When I was around 14-15 I was head over heels for someone. It was kind of old school in that I didn't know her and never talked to her, but I really thought I was in love. I obviously wasn't and I look back a bit embarrassed, but the point of the story is I used to stay up so many nights because I couldn't sleep because of these feelings and wrote stupid poetry. I just found them again and am gonna make you read my favorites. Jake already heard these on one of our Late Night Drunk Poetry Jams. Here you go and my loyal readers, don't laugh too hard!

What If?

What if you and I fell in love?

What if you cared?

Would this ever be?

No, of course not.

Love will never happen to me.

But,

What if...

You did care about me?

What if there is a happy ending?

Maybe I don't have to be Prince Charming

could it be,

Love with me?

TALE OF A BROKEN HEART

Trying to receive love.

Asking for a dance.

Or just a chance

You tell me away

And say

"Maybe another day"

A TALE OF A BROKEN HEART

I ask for your signature

Doing so very mature

You tell me away

And say,

"You don't deserve my wonderful art"

A TALE OF A BROKEN HEART

You say "Hi" in the hall

So I give you a call

To see if it is fate

That will give us a first date

Your reply is simple and slow

Your reply is "no"

A TALE OF A BROKEN HEART

I settle at home

After the reply on the phone

I take a knife to my wrists

Wishing that I never exist

As I slit

The thought of what I was doing

This death I was pursuing

I tried to stop the blood

But it came on like a flood

Then I was finally done

THE RESULT OF A BROKEN HEART

Life 4 Love

It sounds odd that someone would give their life 4 love

But that someone would be me

I would give my life for her to love me

If it will never be

Than I hope that sacrificing my life 4 her will get to me 4 one second

Then it would all be worth it

It is crazy that one would give their life for a second of the thing they wanted

But 4 love, anything is worth it

The Maze

Love is a maze

We can both go our separate ways

One will miss one

The other will miss none

Or we could stick together

And love forever

And when the maze is completed

We will not feel defeated

because we will have eachother

2007-12-15T13:31:00.000-08:00

I Dream to be someone's Dream.
seeing eye to eye is hard when you are on the bottom of someone's shoes.
I remain a slave, a victim of her disease.
Polish my tarnished heart,
someone.
Pull my heart out of the jaws of my own agony
While I wait, I will Dream

2007-10-19T02:59:00.000-07:00

He Realized that it wasnt true
Destined for great things
Being the first man to live forever
It would be his generation that solved the puzzle
Maybe he would do it
Everyday is now a timebomb ready to go off at any time
Cut the Blue
No, Cut the Red
Take control of the last thing you can
I'm Good to Go
Ave Maria
Good Bye

2007-10-18T02:05:00.000-07:00

Some Torment Saint
All Dressed in White
Everyday is an oppurtunity to exorcise my demons
Make all that has been wrong, become right
I get Closer
Eye contact turns into a coincidental gaze
I have my chance
My eyes shift to the floor
Anyone close to me is now much more interesting than ever before
You and me, Now is the time
Hello, then Silent like a mime
Another day, another missed opportunity
Everynight my bed becomes a haven for all my inadequacies
Floating on an ocean of Anger and pity
Should I wake up with the newfound hope that tonight's dreams will come true?
Optimism is for those who live in the light
I live in the Darkest of Nights

Some of my Favorite YouTube Videos

2007-08-30T18:38:00.001-07:00

I am youtube whore just like everyone else out there. Here are some of my favorites

2007-08-01T23:09:00.000-07:00

The Honey Moon lends the stage to the Morning Sun
It shines through my translucent skin
revealing my constant failures
and my internal fire that shines as bright as a wet match in a vicious storm
Leave me alone and let me rot
Because this life of despondency is all I got

2007-07-13T13:26:00.000-07:00

The less it is read, the more cathartic it is.

Unfamiliarity of Death

2007-07-09T23:47:00.000-07:00

I will be the first one to say that I am fortunate. I have never really experienced death in my life up until recently; I have had 3 of my dogs die, including Bo who was my puppy and Charlie, Kirsten's dog, who I was really close to. I was very heart broken after their deaths, they felt like a part of my family and it was tough. Then last summer my uncle died, I had only met him once and it was really hard for me to have any feelings, he wasn't very close to me. Then a month ago my mom's baby sister passed away from cancer. I didn't know Janet too well, she has always lived in Chicago since I was a little child and I hardly ever saw her. Seeing my mom and my aunt in so much pain was a very different feeling for me. I couldn't do anything to help my mom, like I have been many times before. After her death, seeing my mom's side of the family mourn was very tough and was my first real experience with death. It was in a way expected, for she was terminal for almost 8 months, but it was still a lot more real to me than I could of ever imagined. a week later, my uncle Darrell passed away in Idaho. Once again, I did not know Darrell very well, but I spent some time with him and he was very close to my Dad's side of the family. His death brought mourning on the other side of my family, once again the pain I felt was that for my closer family members and not neccessarily for my lose. These were my first two experiences with death and they were both very similar and made me very sad. One because I lost a family member and two, it brought a lot of pain on my parents, who I love the most in this world.
The event that has affected me more than these two people is someone that I only met once. She was my cousin from Wisconsin, her name was Kelly. She, her sisters and brother came out to Oregon to attend Janet's funeral; they were her step children. At the get together after the service, all the younger kids played a game of cranium in the sun while drinking a heavy amount of Corona in the memory of Janet. Kelly was very nice, but I by no means talked to her a lot and I barely knew her. But two weeks ago she was reported missing in her home town of Madison. It was strange to see this person that I had just met and seen in such a docile environment be pictured on MSNBC, CNN and Fox news as a missing persons. She was found today in Oregon, Wisconsin, quite eerie when you consider that she really loved it out here, or so I was told by my aunt. she was murdered, and dragged and hidden out in the woods by a horse stable. She was only a few minutes away from her apartment when she went missing, or so it is believed.
I cannot stop thinking about this, someone I met only once, yet I am filled with sorrow. I can't imagine how everything happened, how scared she must of been in her last moments. It started to scare me, how real death was. I was so ignorant of it prior to these events. It is something that can happen at any time. This is someone who had lost her father last summer and lost her stepmom a month ago, and now she is dead. Anything can happen to anyone, and it scares me. To anyone that still trys to convince me that god has a plan, please shut the fuck up. What was his plan for destroying this family by letting a father, step mother and daughter from one family die in a year's span? I do believe in God and I have a lot of faith in him, but I do believe that once we enter this world, everything is our decision and don't try to shove that "Gods Plan" bullshit down my throat. I can't believe someone going through such a hard time in her life goes out one night and gets killed. It really makes you think twice everytime you go down that freeway or even eat that double bacon cheeseburger. Death is so much scarier and more real to me than it was a day ago and much more than a month ago.
These are people I barely know and I cannot imagine losing someone very close and dear to me. I know people go through this everyday, inlcuding a very good friend of mine. I send my thoughts to them and it make you just want to grab your family and take care of them. Make sure that they are ok. I have been worying everyday that when I don't see my cat in the morning, that he has died amd that if my mom doesnt answer her phone that something has happened. It has really changed my way of thinking and I hope that this changes soon, because i really cant keep doing this, I am scaring myself more and more everyday.

2007-06-29T13:36:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry Kipling
I haven't met triumph
Should I address it with the same antipahty that I approach disaster with?
I will be waiting
still impatient with my dead imagination

2007-06-14T11:28:00.000-07:00

I hear the pounding
of my ever coming fate
I need the release
before I go away

the pain will all end soon
this white lady is going to save me
I hear your laughter while jumping out of the plane
It takes 8 seconds to jump and 30 minutes to fall
I fall farther everyday

I hear the pounding
of my ever coming fate
I need the release
before I go away

Rest in Peace Aunt Janet

2007-05-31T11:11:00.000-07:00

This morning at 4:45 AM my Aunt Janet passed away peacefully in her sleep. We all love you and you will be in our thoughts. Death is the Road to awe. You are in a better place now, sipping margaritas on the beach and enjoying the sun. Always in our hearts.

2007-05-17T11:32:00.000-07:00

The Vaccumm of Isolation is deafening
I can only see the mirth that surrounds
The figmental fence is detoriated, yet daunting
My chains broke long ago, but still constrain me
The encircling happiness is as easy to grasp as a firefly in the night
My grip is as strong as the confidence I exude
Down the grate it goes, settling next to the ashes of my dreams of inclusion
Which I burned everyday until they became my only hope
Then they were gone

2007-05-17T11:29:00.000-07:00

I pour my heart into and try the hardest I can and I get an ouput that is surpassed by someone's scraps. What's the point of trying?

2007-04-29T15:35:00.001-07:00

Jack Abramoff, but I hardly even know Abram. And if I did, I would only let him get to 2nd base.

Welcome

2007-03-21T00:36:00.000-07:00

Hello there, My name is Ryan Maley and welcome to my blog. A lot of my roomates have blogs and I've thought a long time about doing one, but I have never gotten around to it, mostly out of laziness. Another reason is that I am not a very insightful person, and most of my thoughts and analysis are rather rudimentary and boring. Then came the subject that pushed me over the edge and into the blog world, baseball. My roommate Jake talked about his friend's desire to have him make a top 10 Baseball Movie list on blog and this really made me want to do this, so her I am. So not only am I stealing that idea, but it will most likely be my only post for months on end. So if one of you ever becomes engrossed in my different top 10 list and horrible grammar, you will be disappointed by my lack of commitment to my blog. That is it for my introduction, hope you enjoy!